


Bits and Pieces

by Wheel_of_fortune



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:16:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 5,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7837204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheel_of_fortune/pseuds/Wheel_of_fortune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of tumblr posts too short to be their own fics. Mostly Zimbits, maybe more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Bitty and Jack meet and have a one-night stand

So let’s say Jack never quit the NHL to go to Samwell and never really came out of the closet either. Sometimes he goes to bars and brings home a guy for a one night stand and every time it’s a risk because he could be recognized and that’s the extent of his love/sex life.

And one night he sees a guy on the dance floor dancing to Beyoncé and the guy looks back and it clicks, so Jack buys him a drink and they talk a bit, laugh a bit and they go back to Eric’s place for the night. And it’s fun and they keep laughing and honestly, Eric is so comfortable with all this that Jack’s anxiety takes a step back and overall they have a great night.

In the morning, Jack wakes up at six because he’s used to, and usually he takes advantage of this fact to just slip away, but Eric, being a baker, is used to wake up earlier. He finds him in the kitchen cooking up a gigantic breakfast.

Jack is like, huh, you didn’t have to, I can go, and Eric’s like, sit your ass down, this is Georgian hospitality and I like to feed boys who worked hard for it *wink*

They eat, and it’s delicious, and they talk some more. And Eric’s like “Oh honey” when Jack mumbles that no one really knows he’s gay, and immediately give him his phone number so at least he’ll have someone to talk to. Jack is like “Huh… okay” and intends never to call but never quite deletes the number.

And it’s like, a month later, in another city, after another one-night stand, that he gets the courage to text Eric.

“This one didn’t offer me breakfast.”

Eric is appalled and immediately offers a breakfast and whatever else Jack might want if he ever comes back again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spring C

## Spring C, Bitty is drunk, Jack is giving him a piggy back ride

and Bitty babbles, his head lolling on Jack’s shoulder.

he babbles about the music, his lost shoe, about how the SMH are his best friends forever, about how happy he is at Samwell, about how he’s going to miss Shitty and Jack when they’re gone

he babbles about Jack’s hair, how good it smells, about how beautiful Jack is, about how he’s sorry to think like this but he can’t help it, about how hard he tries, but Jack is amazing and kind and strong and he mumbles how he can’t help but like him and he’s so sorry.

Jack clenches his jaw, because those are his worst fears confirmed, Bitty does like him back, and he can’t, he just can’t, it was easy to hide it away when he didn’t know, but now it would be more difficult.

Bitty keeps talking, and Jack keeps listening.

In the morning Bitty remembers nothing, and Jack just can’t forget.


	3. Chapter 3

The day Jack was born, three people visited Alicia at the hospital.

The first one was a dark skinned woman, who called herself George.

“He will know glory,” she said with a smile, placing a hand on the child’s head. 

 

The second was a small woman with kind eyes, named Suzanne.

“He will know love, so much love,” she said with tear in her eyes, kissing the child’s brow. 

 

The third one was a blond young man with clear eyes and a cocky attitude. He approached the hospital bed, hands in his pockets. He presented himself as Kent. When he looked at the child, it was with love and regret in equal measure.

“He will know pain,” he muttered, giving the infant a tiny fist bump.

Alicia recoiled from this third visitor. He left, adjusting his snap-back. 

 

But a last one, a man without a face, placed a hand on Alicia’s shoulder.

“Trust the narrative. The author promised a happy ending.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does that make Parse Maleficent


	4. Chapter 4

## Clues that Ransom and Holster have collected on Bitty’s secret boyfriend

  * It’s a guy (dhu)
  * He’s athletic (because Bitty likes them that way, refer to Ransom’s Excel sheet on dudes Bitty has dated, made out with, hooked with)
  * He’s tall and bigger than Bitty (that’s not hard, but Bitty has been seen wearing bigger shirts lately)
  * He’s an old Samwell student (Dex hard heard Bitty say “Oh honey, remember the Quad? They added new trees, they’re lovely-” over the phone)
  * He’s handsome and was featured in The Swallow’s most beautiful people (Overheard by Nursey- ”Well, is that award more important than your face on The Swallow’s list of most beautiful people? Because I KNOW your mom has it framed on your trophy shelf.”)
  * He’s an OLD MEMBER OF THE SMH TEAM OMG (BECAUSE ONE OF THE OVERSIZED SHIRTS BITTY WEARS TO SLEEP IS A RATTY SMH ONE OMG OMG OMG)
  * HE ACTUALLY LIVED IN THE HAUS WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T BREATHE (Overheard by Chowder- “Ransom and Holster are making the frogs work for dibs- not like you, love, you gave your dibs in a very noble way-” Chowder would not stop !!!! while handing that information)
  * HIS NAME STARTS WITH A J (AS SEEN ON BITTY’S PHONE NEXT TO AT LEAST THREE HEART EMOJIS OMG OMG OMG)
  * Ergo: Bitty’s secret Boyfriend is John Johnson the Goalie.




	5. Chapter 5

okay but what if jack comes out officially  
  
but tells no one he’s dating Bitty, because he wants Bitty to be left alone until he finishes college  
  
and Ransom & Holster are like DUDE  
  
WE SHOULD MAKE HIM BITTY’S WINTER SCREW DATE  
  
THEY HAVE LIKE, CRAZY CHEMISTRY, RIGHT?  
  
and cue them trying to convince Bitty they have found the PERFECT guy for him and Bitty just wanting to hide under the table.  
  
and then they actually call jack and suggest and jack is like “haha. i’ll be there.” and the night of winter screw he’s at the Haus with flowers and a smile and Bitty’s like “okay, maybe this one is not so bad”  
  
and the next morning R&H see them come out of Bitty’s room and they high five each other because they’re such good wingmen, bro.


	6. Chapter 6

## A morning after a Kegster

\- Holster- Holstzy- wake up!

\- HMmmm… Rans? What time is… Has Bitty started breakfast already?

\- Huh, around seven, and I’m pretty sure he’s _too busy_ for breakfast.

\- Too early for innuendos, bro.

\- I heard noises from his room, bro! Sex noises!

\- Wha- Oh dude! Bitty getting some! Who do you think-

\- Broooooo…. It was Jack!

\- The hell? Didn’t he go back to Providence yesterday?

\- Seems like he didn’t. I know my Québec swearing, bro, that was definitely Jack.

A silence.

\- OMG that’s amazing! Rans, get out of the way, we need to congratulate them!

\- No, wait, I thought a bit and it would be a BAD idea, bro.

\- What- why? We’re happy for them! Aren’t we? 

\- Hols- think about it. They haven’t told us, they’re keeping quiet and shit, just think about Bitty’s suspicious Skype calls, that was probably Jack-

\- Oh shit, they been dating for that long?

\- And you know how Jack gets, with the NHL and shit. And Bitty with his parents. 

\- Oh shit, bro, that’s a lot of drama.

\- Yessss that’s what I was trying to say! I don’t want any part of that!

\- Oh shit. Me neither. Oh well, I’m going back to bed.

\- Scoot, I’m not climbing back up.

\- You’re always a slut for cuddles, bro.

\- You know it, bro. Spoon me.


	7. Chapter 7

## jack brings pie to practice

Tater: Zimbonni you have to marry your Bitty baker.

Jack: Haha, funny.

Tater: I mean it. A man who bakes pie like this, with love, you treat this man right, Zimbonni, you don’t play with feelings. I want to see ring.

Jack: What.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written based on ngozi's insinuations that Jack would have bought Bitty high-heeled Louboutins (and some pictures I couldn't stop myself from drawing)

 

It’s ridiculous, that’s what it is.

But they’re beautiful and the heel is three inches high and dear lord, they cost more than the over-

and Jack had bought them for him.

He was still learning to walk on them, it required a lot of balance, not unlike figure skating but at the same time, not the same thing at all. He practiced a lot at Jack’s Providence flat, and oh, those were nice memories, but he couldn’t practice at the Haus.

Still, he brought them in his luggage and hid them in their original box, at the bottom of his closet.

So of COURSE Holster found them.

In his defense, he had been distracted by a text from Jack when Holster had asked about borrowing a tie. So when Holster came down holding the box clearly saying “Christian Louboutin” and a frown, Bitty’s face paled. Ransom joined them a moment later, and they both sat at the kitchen table.

“Bitty, please sit down. We need to talk to you. As your captains.”

Bitty looked at the door, but Ransom waved his concerns.

“Nobody’s here, my Excel sheet says we got at least forty minutes.”

“So, Bitty, can you tell me what these are?” says Holster, opening the box.

The pumps were black and shiny, the soles a bright red.

“It’s none of your business!” shouts Bitty, completely red. “I know you’re Captains now, but it doesn’t give you the right to judge me and whatever I do in my free time! And Shitty would tell you to stop the heteronormative bullcrap and would lecture you about gender roles and do I need to call Shitty for this?”

“Bitty, calm down!. We don’t care about the heels, we care about the price!”

“What.”

“Those shoes with the red soles, they’re supposed to be super expensive, right?” asks Ransom. “Where the hell did you find the money to pay that.”

“Are you into illegal shit, Bitty? Do we need to prepare an alibi?”

“Please don’t sell your body, I know it’s your right and everything, but trust me, you don’t want to know the kind of stuff you can catch. I got diagrams that won’t let you sleep for months.”

“What, no! I’m not doing anything illegal and I’m not- doing that! They’re a gift!”

“A gift. Somehow I doubt your Moo-maw gave these to you for Christmas, Bits.”

“No, they- Guys, I can’t-”

“Oh dude, do you have a sugar daddy?”

“NO!”

“Not judging, I was just gonna say they’d have mad taste, like damn, those are fine shoes.”

Bitty grabs the box and closes it.

“They’re a gift,” he repeats. “And that’s all I’m gonna tell you. I promise you have no reason to worry. Please, don’t tell anyone else.”

“Alright, alright, we trust you. But if the person who gave you these gives you any kind of trouble or, I don’t know, expects stuff you don’t want to do, you come to us and we break his legs, alright?”

“That won’t happen. He’s a sweetheart.”

Bitty leaves with the box.

“Mad taste,” he hears Ransom mutter with reverence.

* * *

 

 

_You can see the pics I drew[HERE](http://wheeloffortune-design.tumblr.com/post/145743607735/sometimes-jack-comes-home-to-this-and-wonders-if?is_related_post=1#notes) and [HERE](http://wheeloffortune-design.tumblr.com/post/145756073565/wheeloffortune-design-please-keep-them?is_related_post=1)_


	9. Chapter 9

## bitty dreams about jack and mumbles his name on the bus

and when he wakes up, there’s like, Ransom and Holster watching him with identical grins over the front seats

and the other guys snickering

and they CHIRP BITTY INTO OBLIVION

and the thing is, Bitty wasn’t even having a sexy dream, he was dreaming about, idk, walking hand and hand and butterfly kisses and adopting a dog and that morning last weekend where they just stayed in bed and cuddled

but try to tell the guys “I WASN’T HAVING AN EROTIC DREAM ABOUT JACK ZIMMERMANN”

you know, the more you protest…


	10. Chapter 10

## let’s say Chowder finds out about Zimbits

by bursting in Bitty’s room to tell him something VERY IMPORTANT!!!1!!!

and he finds them making out on the bed

and there’s a lot of exclamation points and flustering, Bitty has to calm him down, and Jack make him promise not to tell ANYONE about them, and Chowder promises a million times, his lips are sealed, not even Dex and Nursey will know!

Bitty and Jack spend weeks worrying about it, because, you know, Chowder.

Turns out Chowder can guard a secret like he guards his net. 

_(He will NOT betray his friend’s trust and endanger Jack’s career!)_


	11. Chapter 11

## HAUS cat

I was on the check please chatroom, watching my first hockey match of the decade when we started talking about the Shark’s black cat and how much Chowder wants one just like it..

  * Bitty is completely against the idea.
  * Even if Chowder gets teary eyed. Somebody has to put his foot down in this HAUS.
  * You have the plush version of that cat, I’ve seen it on your bed next to the huge shark. 
  * Anyway, isn’t Dex allergic?
  * “Huh, I’m mostly allergic to dogs-”
  * See, Dex is allergic. 
  * Anyway, they end up with a cat anyway because of course, Chowder finds a small young kitten abandoned on Samwell grounds, and of course it’s black. And it’s winter and even Bittle can’t throw someone out in this horrible weather.
  * “It’s just -5° Celcius,” says Jack over Skype that night.
  * YOUR CANADIAN OPINION DOESN’T COUNT, MISTER ZIMMERMANN.
  * So they keep the cat.
  * Chowder calls it Jo Paw-velski the second. He says the entire name every time.
  * The other ones just call it “cat”
  * Cat can go anywhere it wants except the kitchen.
  * Bitty keeps a bottle spray of water just for that.
  * Someone wrote “Cat-Repellent Bit-Spray” on the bottle.
  * Bitty puts Chowder in charge of feeding it and mostly to stop the other guys from feeding it table scraps or weird stuff.
  * Everybody likes the cat.
  * When Ransom goes into coral reef mode, Holster brings him the cat and they both curl around each other on the floor.
  * Dex is kinda allergic but sometimes the cat demands petting so he just downs a Benadryl and complies.
  * Cat is terrified of Shitty because there is such a thing as too many cuddles.
  * Bitty’s fanbase demand news of the cat since he appeared in the background in one of his vlogs. It annoys him to no end.
  * Bitty and the cat strike a truce, though, when the cat catches a mouse that has been terrorizing Bitty’s  pantry for weeks. 
  * Chowder still takes his pre-game naps on the horrible green couch (even though he now has a room in the HAUS), and Jo Paw-velski the Second cuddles up to him every single time.




	12. Chapter 12

## please tell me about Bitty’s puck bunnies

tell me about this group of gay, bi, and not-totally-straight guys that go to his matches and try to catch his attention and try to flirt in school or at kegsters

and how at first they were a handful of them but then, as Bitty gets older, and maybe team Captain in his senior year, he gets a passionate following because he’s so CUTE and so HANDSOME and his SMILE, damn. Also the BetterBittyBootyBureau worked, so, you know.

tell me how every friend that the frogs and tadpoles bring over to the Haus for a kegster eventually ends up with a crush on Bitty and the frogs are like “yeah, it happens all the time”

and how some LAX bros, the ones who hang with Whiskey, keep asking him questions about the tiny blond one, you know, the one who bakes, the one with the tiny shorts..

and how Bitty is oblivious 95% of the time

and how the remaining 5% get stared down by Jack Zimmermann if they ever dare ask Bitty out when he’s within earshot

Bitty’s puck bunnies, y’all


	13. Chapter 13

okay but somewhere along the line, long after Jack coming out, Bitty’s twitter:

“woke up to Shitty Knight in bed with us, cuddling with my bf’s butt”

“we didn’t even know he was in the city”


	14. Chapter 14

imagine the fire alarm goes off in the HAUS (like, someone was smoking, nothing bad) and everyone has to get out in their pajamas and wait on the lawn.

and then Bitty has to explain why he sleeps in a Zimmermann shirt.


	15. Chapter 15

if there’s fanfiction about jack zimmermann in the check please world, you can be damn sure Bitty found it, read it and left criticism.


	16. Chapter 16

## while Jack is busy running across Samwell in his graduation gown..

Alicia Zimmermann finds her husband in the crowd, her eyes bright and excited.

‘Husband, I have a question.’

‘Wife, I have good news. Do you want to go first?’

‘No, it can- wait, where is The Son. He was with you a minute ago.’

‘That’s the good news. I’m pretty sure he went to fetch us a son-in-law.”

‘Really?!?’

‘Really.’

‘Eric?’

‘Do you even need to ask.’

‘This is great! I’ve been wanting to spoil Eric ever since Jack mentioned his pies. I’ve seen a wonderful recipe card holder on Etsy that would look beautiful on Jack’s kitchen counters. I can’t wait till Christmas. Do you think Shitty will be jealous’’

‘Not if you give him that flask engraved with Harvard Law you showed me.’

‘Having more than one kid is complicated. You have to spoil them equally.’

‘So, you had a question?’

‘YES. Can I add someone to the list.’

‘You know you get five.’

‘But- number five is Jodie Foster! I can’t kick her out!’

‘Who do you have in mind?’

‘Who do you THINK I’ve been chatting up the whole afternoon.’

‘…Wife, I don’t think it’s a good-’

‘Husband. Do you really think I would endanger my son’s career like that. I would wait a year before seducing Georgia Martin.’

‘From what I know of the NHL, you could wait three months, honey.’

‘*gasp!* This is our son’s career! I would wait AT LEAST six months!’

‘Oh, look, she’s coming over. Try not to giggle.’

‘GEORGIA! Hey! Looks like Jack disappeared, we have some time to kill. Do you want to walk around the lake?’


	17. Chapter 17

So Lardo and Shitty have a baby and they’re not religious so they don’t baptize him (it’s a boy okay), but they do want a small gathering of friends and good family members to present the lil guy to the world

things that happen that day

  *  It’s a small church basement that is used for neighborhood activities, Lardo’s mom is a member of the knitting circle so she got them the space 
  * Chowder gets there at 8h45 am to help with the kids (because some cousins brought theirs too) so the grownups can get work done.
  * It’s a potluck kind of thing, and Bitty brings a stupid amount of food and desert
  * But instead of cake there are actually choco brownies with dinosaurs on them because it was Shitty’s favorite desert. Shitty made them himself but agreed to leave out the weed because it’s a baby thing. (Shitty hasn’t smoked once since Lardo’s pregnancy).
  * Chowder is a hit with the kids, he can wrangle three of them at the same time. He gets a little bit sad when more people start arriving and the babies get passed around.
  * Dex managed to get the old 80′s stereo in working order, it’s a miracle
  * They start the “ceremony” which involves a lot of talking and symbolism and gets pretty boring after 5 minutes. Only Bitty listens.
  * Holster and Ransom think all this is stupid and useless, but they’re there for their friends anyway and agreed to play nice.
  * They offer Bitty a glass of apple-grape juice.
  * “Holster, what is in there.”
  * “Vodka.”


  * Bitty drinks anyway.
  * Jack is busy and gets there ten minutes in, but he makes it
  * Nursey makes it two hours late because he didn’t know there would be a ceremony, he just thought it would be “between 11am and 3pm, that’s what it said?”
  * Holster tries VERY HARD not to get into an argument with someone from Shitty’s family. When Bitty asks why, he takes him aside to explain what they said. Then bitty tried VERY HARD not to be passive-agressive with that same family member. They manage it. 
  * The SMH team are loud and rowdy, but they manage to keep it at reasonable levels. 
  * The Baby gets passed around. Ransom refuses to relinquish him.
  * Jack is awkward at first but he does love the kid. He doesn’t see him that much, sadly.
  * So during the ceremony they’re all asked to write what hey can teach the kid later in life. Here are their answers:
  * Bitty- Bake your parents favorite pies!
  * Jack- Hockey.
  * Ransom- Make the best Excel sheets, lil bro
  * Holster-  Kick ass at Rainbow Road
  * Chowder- Everything about Sharks!
  * Dex- Repair stuff?
  * Nursey- To read between the lines of life
  * When they’re done, everyone helps pick up. Lardo and Shitty go back home because parent life is hard, bro
  * The other ones go hang out at Jack’s place and watch the Olympics, thirsting for the athletes perfect physiques and getting progressively drunker as the day goes on.




	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Say Yes to the dress", version Lardo (and Shitty)

Okay so at first Lardo wants to cooperate with Shitty’s shitty side of the family. They have the money, and they can pay for whatever their future kids would want to do. Because artist and lawyer with principles doesn’t make a lot. There was also a pregnancy scare over the summer that didn’t help a bit. 

So a big wedding it’ll be. Shitty’s father doesn’t like her much, but the grandmother tolerates her. Lardo and Shitty don’t care much about the proceedings, they could give less of a fuck what colors the invitations are.

But she has no choice but to be present for the dress shopping.

Her eyes bulge out when they get into one of the biggest and most popular wedding dresses store in the country. She’s pretty sure Bitty, Holster and her drunk marathoned a reality tv show that was filmed in this exact location. But now there’s no Bitty, no Holster, or any of her bros. There’s no Shitty.

There’s Shitty’s shitty grandma, and his aunt, and his mother (the latter is not so bad, but she still cowers in fear before the shitty grandma). There’s also her own mom, but she’s asian and tiny so the other ones tend to talk over her.

So she tries dress after dress. Most of them are beautiful, real works of art, and she can understand the appeal. But the ones she likes get vetoed by the shitty grandma, the others get discussed with rising voices, and her own mother tries to give her opinion but no one really listens. 

“My family’s money is paying for the dress,” cuts the shitty grandma when either of the Duan women try to make a point.

Lardo sees her mother clench her jaw and lower her head, like she’s done so many times in the past. And suddenly she sees herself, years in the future, clenching her jaw and lowering her head for her own children’s happiness. And she realizes her kids wouldn’t be happy to see her like that either.

‘I’m going to change,’ she announces to the bickering Knight women.

‘For the next one, try something with less cleavage, we don’t want people to think you’re a common whore.’

She goes back to the changing room, and while two assistants are undoing the back lacing, she calls Shitty.

‘‘Sup brah’‘ he answers. 

Man, she loves that bro.

‘Are you free tonight?’

‘Huh, got a study session with some douchebags, but-’

‘Get in the car. We’re eloping.’

There’s a silence, and then a sudden explosion of noise. 

‘BRAH! MY BRAH! YESSSSS YOU’RE THE BEST! I HAVE A FRIEND WHO CAN MARRY US ASAP! ELOPING,YES, LET ME GE OUT OF HERE AND-’

‘Meet me at the Haus.’

She can hear him tear up. Even though both of them have graduated, the Haus still feels like home to them.

She hangs up and open the old SMH chat, that only has three members still in the SMH. 

 

Chat name changed to: **WE’RE ELOPING, BROS.**  
Lardo: Bros.   
Holster: !!!!!!!  
Ransom: OMG WHAT WHEN WHERE  
Lardo: the Haus. tonight. be there or be square.  
Bitty: LARISSA DUAN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME  
Bitty: I DON’T HAVE TIME TO PREPARE ANYTHING FOR YOU  
Lardo: I know you can bake like crazy fast, bro.  
Bitty: YES BUT NOTHING WORTHY OF A WEDDING  
Lardo: Just a pie is enough.  
Bitty: NO?!?!?!?  
Jack: Haha nice! We’ll be there.  
Bitty: OMG OMG OMG WHAT SHOULD I BAKE  
Jack: I’ll make sure he’s ready.  
Chowder: !!!!!!!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!!!!!!  
Dex: That’s great! We’ll tell the tadpoles to clean the HAUS  
Nurse: boys’ll do anything for dibs, ha  
Nurse: congrats shits and lards  
Holster: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ransom: I think he’s going catatonic  
Jack: Bitty is yelling.  
Lardo: Brahs you’re taking this more seriously than I am

She closes the chat, opens a notification from Shitty that he’s already in the car to get his ordained friend and then, direction Samwell. She smiles. Her boys are still well trained.

The assistants are done unlacing the corset. She steps out of the dress and puts back her faded jeans, her crop top and her combat boots.

‘Sorry, but I won’t be needing a dress,’ she tells the girls. ‘I know you get commissions..’

‘Girl, go marry your man,’ says one with a dismissive wave of hand. ‘I’d be eloping too if my in-laws were like yours.’

‘Thanks brahs!’ she throws over her shoulder.

The Knight women are still bickering when she steps out. Her mother lifts an eyebrow. She knows how to read Lardo’s moods.

‘Larissa!’ says the shitty grandmother. ‘Why are you wearing those rags, we still haven’t decided!’

‘I did. Come on, mom, we have somewhere to be.’

She takes her mother by the hand, exits the store with a cheery wave and brings her to the ratty old car she bought with her own starving artist money. 

 

(They all start trickling to Samwell around seven or eight in the evening. Bitty somehow had the time to bake an incredible three tiered cake and decorate it too. The Haus is impeccable. Dex plugged the speakers. Chowder borrowed a flowered arch from the theater department, and somehow there’s also stage props that look like a pirate ship. I makes no sense, but also fits entirely. Nursey found a couple of poems that could fit them, Lardo picks one for her vows. Jack tells her he’s giving them a holiday wherever, so they can escape the fury of the Knight family.

Shitty is the last to arrive, his hair getting longer, his face unshaven, but his mustache impeccable, as always. He’s wearing cargo shorts and a tshirt with 420 Blaze It printed on it. He looks like a homeless man, and Lardo has never loved him more.)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hamilton check please
> 
> because i’m trash and should be working and got a deadline tomorrow but i’d rather procrastinate this instead

 

so Samwell has an art week and open mike for all students that want to present their works, but usually it’s a bunch of people who haven’t written a line in their lives that read tearful poems about being unique and misunderstood and whatever. 

so Holster says the SMH should show them up

and Ransom else adds that they should work on a play

or a musical

And there’s a lot of suggestions left and right, Bitty would like Mama mía, Shitty wants to be Elle in Legally Blonde, Holster is dead set on singing Defying gravity in Wicked and Chowder has a weird fixation on Cats.

Jack, history nerd that he is, just says: I heard there was a new musical about founding father Alexander Hamilton.

Bitty turns around and stares, wonders why he hasn’t thought about it before, falls in love all over again.

So, once the team listened to the soundtrack -twice- and cried a lot, looking at you, Shitty, they start fighting for the roles.

Jack gets declared Alexander Hamilton, because huh, no one really knows why, but when Chowder excitedly suggested that he should play the lead, they all thought the idea of silent Jack Zimmermann playing chatterbox Hamilton too hilarious to pass. Jack tried to dissuade them, he failed.

Bitty tried to help Jack and got the role of Eliza for his troubles. 

Shitty declared he was ready to fight any of them for the role of Angelica. He would provide his own dress. 

Chowder, sweet baby Chowder, got set as Phillip Hamilton and was soooo excited to play Jack’s son!!! And he’d play Jack’s friend Laurens!!!!! OMG this was amazing!!!

Dew and Nursey got cast as Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan and five minutes before the actual show they were still arguing about who played who. 

Holtzer wanted to be Jefferson, Ransom took Madison and both were glad to have a BFFness through the ages.

Lardo as Washington, everyone agreed.

Johson the metaphysical goalie dropped by and agreed to play King Georges, because monarchy was a construct anyway, like online comics and meta based on said comics. He’d do his best to learn his lines, too.

And then they realized they had no Aaron Burr, so Shitty got cast as him too and Dex had to be enrolled in creating a dress that could be removed in five seconds tops so Shitty could play both roles. 

After two days of vocalizations coming from everywhere in the Haus, Jack set his foot down and said he could never learn all his lyrics in the two weeks leading to the show. 

Also, Bitty could never hit he High notes.

And everyone had enough of Chowder singing “Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf”.

So they decided it would be a lipsync, which was approved by everyone.

The day came, and the SMH team got on the stage and started in front of a crowd of seven people. When they got done with the show, there were more than two hundred applauding them.

Bitty’s prestation made people cry.

Jack never quite managed to lipsync to Hamilton’s words but he never forgot a movement because he puts his heart in everything he does.

Shitty got thrown panties and boxers from the public. He kept the dress for the remaining of the day, and made a kegstand later that evening. 

Chowder kept singing “Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept-” for weeks after that. 

Lardo got twenty-five phone numbers that day, which she turned into a collage.


	20. Chapter 20

## Both Bitty and Shitty are hanging around at Jack’s

and the evening is pretty fun, even though it’s hard for Bitty to stop himself from reaching for Jack’s hand, kiss him, or just sitting on his lap. 

(He hasn’t really touched Jack for two weeks, three days and five hours.)

Jack goes to bed around 10 and leaves them to chat.

Two hours and a couple of beers later, they decide to sleep.

Bitty brushes his teeth.

When he gets out, he finds Shitty SLEEPING NEXT TO JACK.

ON BITTY’S SIDE OF THE BED.

(Bitty hasn’t cuddled with Jack for two weeks, three days and seven hours.)

He should say nothing, sleep on the futon, keep it hidden. 

(…seven hours and two minutes.)

Bitty’s left eye twitches. 

 

Shitty falls off the bed, wakes up in a yell. It wakes Jack.

Both of them turn around and find Bitty spooning Jack, glaring at Shitty.

“You were in my spot.”


	21. Chapter 21

## okay but Shitty lecturing the Haus ghosts on consent, creepy behavior, etc

because if it was two dude ghosts perving on a girl it would raise all our alarms.

next time Ransom showers there’s a new message on the mirror

_sorry for creeping on you! :(  -J &M  
_

(which doesn’t help his fear of ghosts AT ALL, but at least they stopped groping him in the night.)


End file.
